I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
