I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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