just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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