On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
