she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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