on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
