Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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