Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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