If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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