one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
