I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
