Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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