So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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