I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
