Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
