I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
