I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I can text with my tongue
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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