first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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