I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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