When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
