Please, let me fuck your mom
I have demons in me.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
