I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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