you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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