sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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