You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
