I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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