Three words: puerto rican gang bang
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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