the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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