I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
