wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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