I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
