her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
