I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
