never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
