I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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