He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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