you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
