It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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