Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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