All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize