she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize