Me too!
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
