I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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