My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
