I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
If I die, sorry about rent.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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