I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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