Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What a dumb baby whore.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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