Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
