don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
