I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I did not marry a roomba.
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