I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
