just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
