help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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