you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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