when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
