I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
