Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
