As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
