I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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