I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize