8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
