Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
