Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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