well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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