Screwed.edu
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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