Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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