you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
