he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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