Non-Jews are for practice
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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