When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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