i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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