I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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