I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
